Why Does Everything Have To Be About Obama?

Hey. Special K here. Okay. So, I'm gettin' a little sick and tire of...no, I'm gettin' A LOT sick and tired that everything everybody talks about somehow has to do with Obama. Obama this, Obama that. I mean, just because he's all skinny and handsome and has cute kids and an awesome wife and remains pretty cool in the face of some pretty jackass stuff goin' down...I mean, seriously?

I mean, check this video out, this French dude and Mariette Hartley just having a great sexy conversation about something really important, and then they got to bring "Obama"!

Like what does he have to do with the fact that it still takes Nance and me forty-five minutes to go two miles on the 405? I mean, we were almost late to a job the other day, and of course, someone's got to bring up the fact that our car is not "energy efficient and that Obama's working on moving forward 'green legislation'...", well that's all fine and dandy, except that that's still not going to get rid of the fact that any asshole can get a driver's license in California...

Friggin' women drivers.

Anyway, I just had to say that. My program's teachin' me to vent my anger in a proper forum. And Nancy said this was a proper forum, as long as I limited my use of words like "fuck", "asshole" and "commie fascist". So, since I only used asshole one (second time don't count, 'cause it's in quotes), I think I'm doing pretty good.

Okay. So. There you have it.

--Spesh

Acting Lessons

Hello, everyone. This is Nancy here.

And Spesh.

Yes, and Special K is here.

What the hell does that mean?

Spesh. Breathe.

Fine. Breathing. Whatever.

Okay. Well, we have recently been bombarded by questions concerning our latest adventure in Reality TV (click here for the adventure). And since then, we have been overwhelmed by a rather ubiquitous interest on our "acting" ability.

Friggin' critics.

Spesh, what did I say about breathing?

To do it.

Yes. So...back to what I was saying (this is still Nancy, by the bye) about the many inquiries we've had specifically concerning the field of the performing arts in general. We thought we'd take a moment here to post some of our answers (we won't repeat the questions as you all know who you are):

Question #252: Yes, we, as women, feel we have more of an affinity towards "playing a role" than men do, because, as women in our society we are taught from a very young age exactly how to play roles, for example the "good daughter" or the "bad sister" or the "whore" or the "maiden", etc. And learning how to navigate those different roles, for most of us, is a necessary part of our survival in this "man's world". And for those of you ladies who disagree with us, I will ask only one question of you: have you ever faked an orgasm?

Question #367: No.

Question #423: Yes, we both have had extensive training in the performing arts, unfortunately, if we told you how and where, we'd have to kill you. And REALLY kill you. Unfortunately.

Question #585: Absolutely.

Question #874: Well, we both would recommend keeping your eyes and ears open, and your mouth shut.

Question #995: Absolutely not. They will take your money and destroy your self-confidence.

Question #1023: Loiter with intent.

Question #1246: It is important to understand that he is NOT a wizard.

Question #1367: Yes.

Question #1586: Suit up and show up.

Question #1662: It's an honor just to be nominated.

Question #1734: No, we don't feel that there was anything particularly remarkable in what we did in our most recent adventure. It's all about getting the job done. We simply do not care about anything other than that. Getting the job done. And done well. That is how you become a professional.

Question #1959: She's our hero as well.

So...we hope that provides all of you with some insight into things that you didn't have before.

Friggin' cryptic if you ask me.

No one's asking you, Spesh.

You want a piece of this, Nance?

I'm just sucking my sucker.

Grrrrrr.

Until next time...

--Nancy & Special K

Bollywood My Ass

Hey! Spesh here, and I'm really...

Nancy's telling me to breathe.

Okay. Breathed.

Anyway, have you all seen this goofy little guy tryin' to change the H in the Hollywood sign to a B? If I get my hands on that little...

I'm breathing, Nance, leave me alone! It's my friggin' program and I'll work it how and when I damn well want!

Okay. Breathed. Again. It's like putting your shoes on. Gotta do it every day. Whatever.

Anyway, check out This Video now.

I said NOW, dammit!

--Spesh

Nancy's Retaliation

Hello. Nancy here. Okay, so, as most of you know, and as Spesh certainly knows, I am a "fire with fire" little lady.

So, in response to these over-enthusiastic young ladies and their satirical rap video...Spesh and I have gone out and made one of our own...

Check our You Tube Video out!

We welcome your comments about how much more impressive we are than...little girls...

Not that we all weren't once...but that's going to be another episode.

--Nancy

Special K's Rebutt

Okay, so I've been watchin' this rap music video...and you all know how much I appreciate Nancy's skinny white ass...but when she's wrong, she's wrong.

First of all, the kids are cute. Second of all, the song is good. Third of all, there's gymnastics, which just always takes a gal back to the balance beam and fifth grade and the trophy before the injury...

Okay, just ignore that...digression...or whatever.

My point is...I think it's pretty friggin' excellent that a couple of little kids got together and did something creative. About me. And Nance.

They also made really cool hats. Takes a gal back to nursing school when a couple of not-so-nice students found their wardrobe missing one morning after they said some not-so-nice things to Nancy and myself...

Ignore that too. Whatever.

I posted the video on our links corner, so check it out. Or else.

--Spesh

Identity Theft

Okay. Well. (Oh, this is Nancy). So, depsite Special K's assertion that the internet is a useful, nay remarkable, tool which can afford us all the presently lacking quality of interconnectivity in our daily lives, and despite her ridicule of my rational fears about technology...I have once again seen the validity of the old phrase:

"Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you".

And the proof of this is right here...on the internet...on this "YouTube" thing (the title of this wretched dehumanizing creation is rather ironic, I find, as this whole "spending hours watching adorable kitten videos" really has less to do with "you" and really all to do with "me", because the only reason I am spending hours watching adorable kitten videos is because there is clearly a lack of innocence present in my life, so they may as well just call the horrid thing "MeTV"...okay, well, I didn't realized that I just wrote all that out loud).

Anyway...the point is...I am right. Again.

Because there are two "children" who are impersonating Special K and myself in this "music video" on the YouTube, and it's really...well, what kind of world do we live in where children are involved in the kind of criminal activity that Lex Luther would find exciting? What kind of world do we live in where children think they can encapsulate myself and Special K's life time of experience by dressing up in "nurses" outfits, prancing about Los Angeles, sitting by a pool and being waited on, intimidating and frightening a homeless person...it's really just...

Well, let me just say that, while these "children" are indeed pretty darn cute, and clearly rather entrepreneurial, I just find the whole business...well...

Are none of us safe from this kind of mockery? I guess that's what happens when you wear a funny hat. You must rise above these petty tyrannies.

I did like their sunglasses though. Quite a bit.

--Nancy

A Fine How Do You Do

Hello. Everyone. This is Nancy. Suffice it to say, it has come to our attention--

Alright, that's it, Special K here. Nancy gets all nervous on the internet, thinks some hacker's gonna steal her identity, which, if I don't say so myself, is a pretty friggin' kickass identity at this point, and I wouldn't want to see it get stolen either...

Anyway...Special K still here...so we heard that this whole "blog" thing was a good way to reach more people who were interested in our "services". So, we just wanted to give a shout out and let everyone know that we are here and that we are ready to "kill..." Of course, when the price is right. So keeps your eyes and ears open and tuned in as we'll be "bloggin'" like nobody's business...

Okay, now Nancy wants to write something...

Hello. This is Nancy. Again. I just wanted to point out that I think Spesh has a kickass identity as well. And, that I do indeed fear the internet. But not because of the potential victimization due to criminal activity, but because it causes cancer.

No, it doesn't.

Yes, it does.

No, it doesn't.

Yes, it doe--

Special K here. We just snapped three times. See y'all anon.

--Spesh.
--And Nance.